The Cryptographer from Porlock

Dear colleagues assembled, I was just on the brink
Of preparing a set of spectacular slides,
And a talk that was certain to make you all think
And to keep you amused -- you'd be splitting your sides
At the wit that was working away in my mind:
All those crypto-themed apothegms partially honed,
And the comical picture I reckoned to find
Of a cat who'd been hacked, with the words "I iz pwned".
I had just settled down to the task, when a knock
At the door of our office, announced clear and loud,
The arrival of one all the way from Porlock,
With a scheme to secure all our bits in the cloud.
We got quite excited, for an hour or so,
At the recent developments in FHE,
Till we realised that it was impractically slow,
And requested the expert to please leave us be.
I returned to my desk, but alas, in that time,
All those brilliant thoughts had escaped from my head.
So now my presentation is not worth a dime --
Cos I sat down and wrote out this poem, instead.

Carolyn Whitnall, 2012